Many preschool shows don't deserve scorn, however, there are a very small handful of them that do. I am going to propose a fake preschool show pitch called Liam and Friends, with a list of everything you need to make a bad preschool show.
Here it is:
The Premise: Liam is a kid superhero with water powers. He is the hero of Power City. All the adults are so idiotic that they depend on him to solve their smallest problems, like their car keys being missing or something. Liam is the cishet white male lead who is a Gary-Stu. (note: as a latina bisexual female, i dont think there's anything wrong with being cis, het, white, or male, but i just wish we could get minorities in leading roles more) Accompanying him are his friends Charlotte, the token girl who is only there to promote girl power, be a damsel in distress, and be Liam's girlfriend. His other friend is Aidan, who has an ever-so-slightly darker skintone than the rest of the characters so the producers can say that they have a diverse cat. To add insult to injury, Aidan is played by a white guy. Charlotte has plant powers and Aidan has rock powers. Liam also has a pet dog named Spot, who has super seeing.
Every season, there are upgrades made to sell random toys. In season 2, the characters get new vehicles. In season 3, Charlotte and Aidan get pets. In season 4, Liam discovers that he has all the powers in the world, and basically becomes God in kid form. And of course, there's a rogues gallery consisting of Baddie McEvilson and his minions. Baddie is the villain of the show who wants to steal Liam's powers, but fails every time.
There are a lot of gimmicks, such as air travel, underwater travel, dinosaurs, espionage, racecars, superheroes (duh), animals, pirates, princesses, magic, fairies, glitter, hairstyling, knights, singing, outer space exploration, food, being a YouTube star, fashion, makeup, gossip, etc so they can sell lots and lots of toys.
The show is animated in CGI, and boy is it bad. It looks like if Spark Plug and Video Brinquedo had a baby. The songs are generic pop-rock songs with autotune so bad it makes your head explode. It claims to be educational, but the only thing that the show teaches is how to buy toys. Apart from that, it also promotes:
- Bullying (Liam and his friends bully anyone who isn't like them)
- Gossip and rumors
- Underage driving
- Gender stereotypes
- The "white savior" complex
- Being a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu
- Not learning from your mistakes
- Always taking the credit for everything
- Be shallow and vain for YouTube clout
- The villains, besides Baddie, all break down and cry and are instantly redeemed (no, this isn't a potshot at Steven Universe because I really love SU, AND FOR THE LAST TIME THE DIAMONDS WEREN'T REDEEMED AND STEVEN DIDN'T FORGIVE THEM, STEVEN TRIED TO KILL WHITE DIAMOND IN ONE EPISODE OF SU FUTURE OH MY GOSH, AND THE SHOW DOES NOT TEACH THAT HUGGING REDEEMS VILLAINS, THOSE ARE LIES MADE UP BY RABID SU HATERS)
I feel like this fake show could be good if there was some tweaks in the concept. Like, have the characters be more diverse and have more developed personalities. Tone down the gimmicks. Maybe add more elemental characters to the main cast. Be aimed at an older audience if you can't be bothered to be educational. Make Baddie McEvilson legitimately evil and terrifying. But sadly, it had come to this.
It also spawned a rabid fanbase filled with little kids who only like the show to ship Liam and Charlotte. Enough said.