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How not to make a preschool show

19
NeptunePerson2018 (talkcontribs)

Many preschool shows don't deserve scorn, however, there are a very small handful of them that do. I am going to propose a fake preschool show pitch called Liam and Friends, with a list of everything you need to make a bad preschool show. Here it is: Let's say you force a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the worst of modern Nick Jr, Disney Junior, and whatever crap gets dumped to YouTube, and make a list of all the tropes. The result is Liam and Friends.

The Premise: Liam is a kid superhero with water powers. He is the hero of Power City. All the adults are so idiotic that they depend on him to solve their smallest problems, like their car keys being missing or something. Liam is the cishet white male lead who is a Gary-Stu. (note: as a latina bisexual female, i dont think there's anything wrong with being cis, het, white, or male, but i just wish we could get minorities in leading roles more) Accompanying him are his friends Charlotte, the token girl who is only there to promote girl power, be a damsel in distress, and be Liam's girlfriend. His other friend is Aidan, who has an ever-so-slightly darker skintone than the rest of the characters so the producers can say that they have a diverse cat. To add insult to injury, Aidan is played by a white guy. Charlotte has plant powers and Aidan has rock powers. Liam also has a pet dog named Spot, who has super seeing.

Every season, there are upgrades made to sell random toys. In season 2, the characters get new vehicles. In season 3, Charlotte and Aidan get pets. In season 4, Liam discovers that he has all the powers in the world, and basically becomes God in kid form. And of course, there's a rogues gallery consisting of Baddie McEvilson and his minions. Baddie is the villain of the show who wants to steal Liam's powers, but fails every time.

There are a lot of gimmicks, such as air travel, underwater travel, dinosaurs, espionage, racecars, superheroes (duh), animals, pirates, princesses, magic, fairies, glitter, hairstyling, knights, singing, outer space exploration, food, being a YouTube star, fashion, makeup, gossip, etc so they can sell lots and lots of toys.

The show is animated in CGI, and boy is it bad. It looks like if Spark Plug and Video Brinquedo had a baby. The songs are generic pop-rock songs with autotune so bad it makes your head explode. It claims to be educational, but the only thing that the show teaches is how to buy toys. Apart from that, it also promotes:

  • Bullying (Liam and his friends bully anyone who isn't like them)
  • Stealing
  • Lying
  • Gossip and rumors
  • Underage driving
  • Cheating
  • Gender stereotypes
  • The "white savior" complex
  • Being a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu
  • Not learning from your mistakes
  • Always taking the credit for everything
  • Be shallow and vain for YouTube clout
  • The villains, besides Baddie, all break down and cry and are instantly redeemed (no, this isn't a potshot at Steven Universe because I really love SU, AND FOR THE LAST TIME THE DIAMONDS WEREN'T REDEEMED AND STEVEN DIDN'T FORGIVE THEM, STEVEN TRIED TO KILL WHITE DIAMOND IN ONE EPISODE OF SU FUTURE OH MY GOSH, AND THE SHOW DOES NOT TEACH THAT HUGGING REDEEMS VILLAINS, THOSE ARE LIES MADE UP BY RABID SU HATERS)

I feel like this fake show could be good if there was some tweaks in the concept. Like, have the characters be more diverse and have more developed personalities. Tone down the gimmicks. Maybe add more elemental characters to the main cast. Be aimed at an older audience if you can't be bothered to be educational. Make Baddie McEvilson legitimately evil and terrifying. But sadly, it had come to this.

It also spawned a rabid fanbase filled with little kids who only like the show to ship Liam and Charlotte. Enough said.

FreezingTNT (talkcontribs)

Unironically, this should be an actual series, so people would know how not to make a preschool cartoon.

NeptunePerson2018 (talkcontribs)

Yeah.

Disintegrated.to.pieces (talkcontribs)

I wonder if people would change their minds about Caillou being worse than Hitler once they get a load of this show.

Trevor807 (talkcontribs)

I promise you, they will take it all back. Also, I suggest adding in a healthy dose of twerking in every episode. Just to complete the experience.

Masson Thief (talkcontribs)

One thing I know about Caillou (without ever having watched it) is that almost everyone talks about how abysmal it is but everyone mentiones only the same couple episodes to support the claim, the circus one and the fact Caillou pinched another character.

Trevor807 (talkcontribs)

The latter got banned from American television. Also, that's like saying The Loud House was bad just because of "No Such Luck" and "Kings of the Con".

Masson Thief (talkcontribs)

It was banned? Is that scene that bad?

Regardless, I just think hating Caillou is sort of "socially acceptable" on the internet XD

Trevor807 (talkcontribs)

Of course. It's set when Caillou was two and a half years old, making it the earliest episode in the Caillou mythos, and he pinches Rosie, who at the time was a newborn baby (and to rub salt in the wound, the original book version had Caillou bite her). There are six other episodes that, too, were banned from American television, usually for having bad messages (such as an episode that tries to discourage insults... only to make it look cool, an episode that has a dead bird, two more banned for a character’s bullying being too intense and Caillou being too rough with his friend, and and another episode that also happened to be the debut of Mr. Hinkle; let's just say if pedophiles didn't exist, it would be acceptable, and the last one has way too much yelling and screaming, even for Caillou, and had that scene where Caillou pushes Rosie out of his room and then throwing her into the hallway).

Portrock1566 (talkcontribs)

I can confirm that this idea of a fake show is well executed. However my only criticism is that your critque about a "overprivileged" (privileges don't even exist for fucks sakes) protagonist is disappointing to me. Affirmative action is shit and it's entirely the creators' choice and freedom to make the characters however they like. Representation is redundant.

Masson Thief (talkcontribs)

I agree with you. Another criticism I need to do is adding the fact that a black character is played by a white voice actor as a flaw this fake show has.

Trevor807 (talkcontribs)

And the actor doesn't even attempt a black voice.

Trevor807 (talkcontribs)

I'd be more than happy to design the characters. My designs would rip off the styles of My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, Teen Titans Go!, and Johnny Test all at once.

Spidey McFly (talkcontribs)

Heh, I agree.

ItMeansNothing (talkcontribs)

Should also have tons of awful merch.

Hookuai (talkcontribs)

Can I get 11 minutes of misery?

Trevor807 (talkcontribs)

And make it a large-scale criminal scheme in which the creators are using this series as a front to raise a new generation of anarchists. ZERO good episodes. In fact, the few good episodes are rejected and their scripts shredded.

I have no idea (talkcontribs)

This show could lead to a lot of chaos. First of all, parents would be ticked. In fact, no adult would write this. They would then make it legal to kill kids, and child abuse, kids would get hit with a belt, all because the adults are dumb